Oh, this is bothering you?

Adam hates me sometimes, but I hate him equally as much.

Below are just a few things that I do that drive my husband crazy, but that I refuse to change. Every one these items have led a to shouting match in case you were wondering.

1. I NEVER lock my car doors at night. Because I grew up in a town where I left my keys in the ignition over night without fear of my car getting stolen, I have a really nasty habit of trusting that Kansas City is no different than McPherson. Adam on the other hand trusts no one and locks his car in the garage. I think that he should just be happy that I take the time to bring my keys inside at night.

2. I leave the lids unscrewed on everything. For some reason when I am cooking (which happens often), or cleaning (which happens less often), I can never seem to remember to get everything completely closed.  Recently this led to Adam dumping a lot of expensive whey protein on the floor. Much yelling ensued, the end result, I agreed to be better. This was quickly forgotten when I made bread the next day and failed to close the flour container.

3. I can sleep with every light, television and radio on in the house. Growing up, my brother and sister were loud, and some how I developed an odd ability to sleep anywhere under any conditions. For some reason, Adam thinks it is a waste of money to sleep with the lights and television on, but I don't pay the bill so why should I care?

4. My make-up is always out. I am not a morning person, so whenever I have to actually wake up and look presentable it is usually done in a mad scramble. Leaving no time to clean up any mess or put away my make-up. Also see number 2 for more of my bathroom counter looks like when I am done.

5. I buy really expensive lattes and only drink half of them. I can't help it, I will set the cup down and forget about it.  When I do finally remember that I have it, it is cold and who drinks a cold drink that wasn't ordered cold?

6. My phone is never fully charged. Like ever. Almost every one in my life hates me for this. I don't know why I find it so inconvenient to plug the damn thing in, but it is to me. Adam claims that I should always have my phone on because why else do we pay for it, but I think that it makes a great paper weight when dead as well.

I am sure there is more to the list, but he will have to fill you on those because I just don't have time to continue. I have a busy day of cooking, cleaning and housewifing ahead.

My marriage works for me okay?

Some very close friends of ours are super close to getting engaged, and I couldn't be happier for them. Watching them go through all those learning moments that couples go through once you decide something is forever has been so interesting to see me.  They are just discovering what it means to be a couple and  the roles that each much play. 

The other day, my female friend and I started talking about it really means to be married. Should it be an equal partnership? 70/30? 80/20?  Does the bread winner become the de facto decision maker? Is the money his, her or ours?  My friend and I both agreed that no one really knows the right answer.  It all depends, but the most important thing is for both people to agree on what's right for them.

For some couples coming to that agreement is easy, and luckily for Adam and I it did. My husband and I both agree that for us, marriage is about being equals in everything. (Other than laundry, but I blame Adam's mom and his grandma for that one. Thanks Kristy!).  I could never be with someone who had a husband that just made decisions and I just had to go along with them.  I was raised by too strong of a single mother to ever be a doormat.   At that the same time though, I have to also be willing to listen when he wants something different than I do. For me this a constant struggle, but I still try to listen and talk (sometimes loudly) things out. 

An outsider may look at our relationship and think that we spend way too much time loudly talking out our differences to ever be happy, but that is not right.  Adam have come to a place in our relationship where at any given moment we know exactly how the other one feels, and we also know that no matter how pissed the other may be, neither of us is going anywhere. Before we got married, Adam and I both agreed that no matter what, we would never get divorced simply because we know first hand how hard that is on entire family.

To us, marriage is not temporary or optional. We chose each other and now we have to live with it. Adam and I got married young, but I love him more everyday. What works for us, may not work for every one. 

My advice to my friends is this: find the balance that works for you two, talk to each other and just know that every fight is temporary.