I think we should start trying...maybe?

Lately I have been a having a horrible case of empty womb. Every where I look I see babies. My pinterest is covered with baby advice, my friends are all having kids, facebook may as well be called babybook, and today I got a whole bunch of coupons in the mail for Baby's R us.  For some reason getting that book of coupons made me really want to pin my husband down and demand his seed out of fear of being left behind.

Adam has no motivation to have kids anytime in the future.  He wants to wait  until just the right time, but I am sick of waiting. If I keep waiting for him to say okay let's do it, I am going to wake up with the dried up womb of a post menopausal fifty something with only my dogs to keep me company. I am ready now, so why can't he be too?

According to him, I am not really that ready either, I am just bored. I would be lying if I did not admit that part of me questions my motives as well.  Do I want a baby because I think that being a SAHM is my one true calling, or do I want a baby because it is any easy excuse to give up on my career aspirations? Do I even know what it means to be a mom? Do I even know what I am asking for from him? How do you ever really know why you want a baby?  

What I do know is that people had better stop pinning, posting and peddling anything baby because my heart cannot take it. Regardless of the why's behind it, I know that I feel the push to have a little Walker baby in my arms and I don't see it going away anytime soon.

This isn't new...I have had it for like a day.

Let me preface this post by saying that I know that I have a problem, but I just don't know how to fix it. I am a hoarder, a hoarder of clothes. I need A and E to come and rescue me.

Growing up, I was poor. Like hopefully the power stays on poor. I always promised myself that when I had money I would make up for 18 years of going without. I always loved clothes, but could never have all the outfits that I wanted. This want has translated into this weird compulsion where I just have to buy something the minute I see it and never, ever get rid of it under any circumstance.

Pre-quarterlife crisis, my addiction was fine. Adam made the money on which we lived, and I made the money on which I fed my addiction. Now though, we just don't have the extra money for me to buy a new pair of boots once a week.  If I had my way we would move somewhere cheaper to keep me in my Ralph Lauren's but Adam always seems to win that argument.

 I have been trying really hard to make do with the clothes that I have, but this morning I woke up hating everything I own.  I emptied my closet out looking for just the right outfit to wear to go downstairs to watch Gossip Girl (I am a total Serena by the way).  Sitting on the floor in my empty closet, I suddenly understood what a meth addict feels like jonesing on the floor of the motel 6 bathroom.

I am pathetic and need help. Someone please call Candy. I have hit my rock bottom.

Cinnamon Protein Pancakes

One of the best parts of not working has been that I have had time to experiment with different recipes. I love to finds ways to make unhealthy food healthy. I don't mind eating food with no flavor, but my husband will glady throw out an entire plate of anything that he deems "gross."

Anyone who has been on the Eat Clean Diet has a recipe for their own protein pancakes, but I could never find one that Adam would actually eat. Most of the recipes I found online made this flat, tasteless thing that looked and tasted like a vanilla egg white omelet, so I decided to create my own.

Cinnamon Whey Protein Pancakes

 

1/2 cup oat flour (oatmeal that has been blended)

1 tbs whole wheat flour

2 scoops vanilla whey

5 egg whites

1 tsp cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

3 tbs milk (I used vanilla almond milk)

 

1. Preheat skillet to medium heat

2. Mix all ingredients in large bowl

3. Pour 1/3 cup pancake batter onto skillet

4. Flip pancakes when the edges just start to cook and the middle is bubbling

5. Cook the other side for a about another few minutes

6. Enjoy! (makes two servings)

 

 

Nutrition facts per serving: Calories 243, Carbs 17.5grams, Fat 3 grams, Fiber 3 grams, protein 35 grams

 

 



I lead a very, very busy life

If asked, my husband would be happy to tell anyone just how much free time I have now that I am not gainfully employeed. I doth protest though.  I tell him everyday about the countless tasks about the countless tasks that I accomplished throughout the day while he was at work, he always responds with this: "Get a job."  In order to prove to him just how busy I am I have composed a list of the ways that I fill my day.


1. Paint those sweet pumpkins I saw on Pinterest: ( Don't worry I know how sweet they look)

 

 

2. Do the entire crossword puzzle in the Star, but not the New York Times because ain't no body got time for that shit:

3. Spiral curl my hair every morning even though I never go anywhere but Target and Price Chopper

 

4. Go to the public library and check ten books at one time. I will actually only read two of these.

 

5. Watch those episodes of Baggage that have been clogging the DVR. (and yes that is Juicy Joe in the corner)

 

6. Take my friend's kids to the pumpkin patch so that I can feel like the rest of the unemployed housewife in Johnson county.

7. Stay caught up on my words in Words with Friends

 

8 and 9. Workout twice a day (this one is actually productive so it counts for two tasks)

 

10. Pin countless housekeeping tips on Pinterest so that I can be a better housewife

Because I am so busy everyday, my husband should understand why I never have time for things like this:

My quarterlife crisis....month one.

I have always had a job. I have always had a purpose. I have always wanted a career. I have always been responsible.  I never thought I would be someone who watched the ALL fours of the Today show. I never thought I would be someone who bakes in the middle of the week. I never thought I would be someone who mops everyday. I never thought I would someone who was unemployed, but I am that someone.

A month ago  tomorrow, I quit my well paying, steady, full time job without telling anyone in my life. I didn't tell my husband, my best friend, my sister, or even my mom, because I knew that they would all tell me suck it up and be a grown up.  So without letting myself be talked out of it, I gave notice. I wish that I could say that everything was horrible and it was toxic environment, but I can't. It was just okay. The work was okay, the people were okay, my boss was okay; the job was okay. I just woke up one day and realized that I was almost 26 and couldn't waste another minute on okay.

For that first week, I woke up everyday with a smile on face. I could finally pursue my passion. I could finally have a clean house. I could finally write the book I always wanted to. I could finally breathe.

That was three weeks ago. I am starting to realize that talking about pursuing something and actually pursuing it are two very different things.

I know that I made the right choice to quit my job, but I am starting to realize that I need to push myself to really try and make my life happen.  The problem is figuring out my life is supposed to be.