In the the 18 months since I started this, my life has changed so much. I was a lost post-grad girl in search of a purpose, in search of a reason, in search of inspiration, in search of anything. Today, I am a woman who no is longer lost; I found my purpose, my reason, my inspiration, my everything and she is only 11 weeks old.
Sometimes I look at her, and I can't catch my breath. She is counting on me to show her right from wrong, the importance of compassion, independence, love, the whole world, and it scares the crap out of me. What if I miss something? What if I don't know all the answers? What if she ends up in therapy bemoaning the horrible job I did? I live in a constant state of self-doubt. At the same time though, I look at her and I can't catch my breath because I am overwhelmed by pure joy.
I had no idea what it is love to someone so wholly, so completely, so unconditionally. She makes me reflect on my relationship with my own mom. My mom who loves me so wholly, so completely, and so unconditionally. I appreciate her more, I give her more credit, and I respect her more. Now, I understand why she made us her world and sacrificed so much for my siblings and I, because I would do the same for my daughter.
Before I had her, I constantly second guessed my choice to stay home. I knew that leaving work for a few years could potentially set me back professionally. I was worried about the sacrifices my husband would have to make. I did not want anyone to be disappointed in me for wasting my degree. The minute I saw her though, I knew that none of that mattered to me anymore. All that matters now is that I never miss a smile; I never miss a tear, I never I never miss a moment. I love my husband even more for all that does to give me this opportunity.
I thought I loved him before as much as I could but I was wrong. Seeing my husband with our daughter changed that love. I used to love him for the way he held my hand and kissed my forehead now I love him for the way he holds her hand and kisses her forehead. His dedication to her and her well-being mean more to me than he will ever know. He would give anything just to see her happy, and that makes me happy.
My life is so different. My marriage is so different. My attitude is so different. Nothing is the same as it was when I started this blog, and that is how it should be. I have grown and changed all because of someone who is only 11 weeks old.
P.S. Because I know the only people that read that whole thing are my mom and sister. Here are a few pictures of her in all her glory.
No comments:
Post a Comment